After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
