I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
