It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
