if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
