I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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