I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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