I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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