I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
