I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
