No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
