the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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