I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
