He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
