If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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