we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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