IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
