The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
