I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
