I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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