I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
