So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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