You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
