Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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