Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't deserve a penis
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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