I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
