I didn't shave. On purpose
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
