Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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