I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
