Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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