Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
