Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
