Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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