if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
