True but thats because hes a fetus.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
