I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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