Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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