So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
