Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
