I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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