Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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