i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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