i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
