I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
