Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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