Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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