Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
