I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
