I can tuck mytits in my pants
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
