So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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