Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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